Tide of Day (The Companionates Book 2)
But the field is gamely racing to catch up. Though not normally considered an intestinal ailment, love is often described as an illness, and the smitten as lovesick. Husband and wife Ph. Harvard study, almost 80 years old, has proved that embracing community helps us live longer, and be happier. Couple that with a drop in levels of serotonin — which adds a dash of obsession — and you have the crazy, pleasing, stupefied, urgent love of infatuation.
That period is followed by increases in the hormone oxytocin, a neurotransmitter associated with a calmer, more mature form of love. The oxytocin helps cement bonds, raise immune function, and begin to confer the health benefits found in married couples, who tend to live longer, have fewer strokes and heart attacks, be less depressed, and have higher survival rates from major surgery and cancer.
The Catholic Northwest Progress 30 March — Washington Digital Newspapers
Schwartz has built a career around studying the love, hate, indifference, and other emotions that mark our complex relationships. And, though science is learning more in the lab than ever before, he said he still has learned far more counseling couples. Spouses Richard Schwartz and Jacqueline Olds, both associate professors of psychiatry, have collaborated on a book about marriage. But do we think that makes us better at love, or helping people with love? Probably not much. Love and companionship have made indelible marks on Schwartz and Olds. Their own union has lasted 39 years, and they raised two children.
While the passion fades for some, others keep its flames burning, while still others are able to rekindle the fires. And those each get reawakened in that drifting back and forth, the ebb and flow of lasting relationships. Children remain the biggest stressor on relationships, Olds said, adding that it seems a particular problem these days. Young parents feel pressure to raise kids perfectly, even at the risk of their own relationships.
Kids are a constant presence for parents. It is a problem that Olds sees even in environments that ought to know better, such as psychiatry residency programs.
The Catholic Northwest Progress, Volume 33, Number 13, 30 March 1928
That is the spirit of marriage. It involves the same recognition of risk that goes into trial marriage, but it stoutly proposes to overcome and nullify that risk. It em- phatically does not propose to seek divorce the moment the flame of romantic passion begins to cool. Now the trouble with this attitude in ordinary marriage is that not enough account is taken of the risk. If the Trial Marriage psychology puts too much emphasis on the risk, the psychology of traditional marriage bull-headedly ignores it altogether.
The result is that couples who make a mistake in their choice of each other find that in getting into marriage they have walked into a trap.
Pleasure in the Eighteenth Century
There is room for sane compromise between these two extremes. Men and women who enter marriage should be encouraged to do it under conditions that would best insure the success and permanence of the marriage, but which would also afford a line of retreat in case the marriage failed. They should not have children, for instance, till they have been married long enough to be reasonably sure of their ability to carry on together; and they should not have them till they can afford them.
This is common sense. It is not Free Love or Trial Marriage at all. It may, as I have indicated, have a technical similarity to Trial Marriage, but legal technicalities are not what make a marriage. What makes a marriage is the spirit and intent of it. And the Companionate as described in this book is genuinely, if not technically, a different thing from Trial Marriage.
I do not deny that it would be possible for people to enter the Companionate, with a Trial Marriage psychology. But so is it pos- sible for them to enter traditional marriage with a Trial Marriage psychology. Some do it; but they are not many. For such persons the unmarried union, achieved secretly, is easier, and involves less responsibility before society. The Companionate would not invite many such persons.
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Nor, since it would offer small hope of alimony, would it attract ladies of the "gold-digger" type. Evans has contributed to this book more than his skill as a writer. He has brought to the work a mind winch is strongly in agreement with my views. His whole-hearted sympathy with what I am trying to do has given him a penetrating almost an instinctive insight into the deeper im- plications and meanings of the principles on which I have done my work in Denver; and he has thus made articulate much winch might otherwise have gone unsaid.
In short, Mr.
Evans has put a creative effort into this book which, along with the effort of my own mind, and my own unique fund of experience, has made the whole thing possible. It is a true collaboration. The Juvenile and Family Court of Denver. May jo, The Adolescent "Forties" 4. The long arm of the Past, and the grip of Fear and Habit, p. The difficulty of mixing brains and conduct, Helga gets into trouble, n.
Burton pays the freight: Helga on Conscience, Chastity and thievery: The perils of social innovation, Blue blood, nerves, and short skirts: Bell, Book, and Candle , Stretching stiffened mental fibers: Sex and Gold, A changing attitude toward adultery, ip. Blank experiment with infidelity : Mrs. Blank's defense, Blank a symptom, Need for liberty to do the shocking thing: All exploration danger- ous, S3- The Blanks took a chance, Dangerous breaks with habit, Car ruts and warmed-over food, The Father Image, the Mother Image, and some physical consequences, Another Tri- angle, with polygonal complications, jp.
Some can, some can't, Begging the question in morals: " Original Sin," 5p. Bertrand Russell on possessive jealousy: Fidelity to one's partner in life, Archibald Fellowes has two sides to his head: Why his right hand never knows what his left hand is doing, The world moves on, Murder under tradition, socially sanctioned, homicidal rage, Phyllis and Bert in a cage not even gilded: Bert applies his husbandly authority: Sauce for the goose but not for gander, The Code, before and after marriage, Virtue by mutual coercion: No ethical quality in such conduct, What would happen if they turned each other loose?
- Why Are There Two High Tides Each Day?.
- San Bernardino Sun, Volume 41, 21 October 1934.
- Finnegans Wake by James Joyce!
- Lili and Grandma Visit New York City.
- J.R.R. Tolkien: A Life.
Esther, Archie, and Bob, an amiable Triangle, When to Bundle was a virtue, 8p. Stanley Hubbell solves a personal problem and wins a wife: Will Carson and a hip flask: Tom Ryan's automobile ride: Carson's story, pi. Some conclusions, Triangular relationships make some persons happy: Many minds and many needs in marriage, The monogamic ideal a fruit of culture, pp. Poverty plus children, A baby the first year, Debt, not enough to eat, rent overdue signposts of the divorce court, Hill: The morals of abstinence: That first kiss: "What is a 'Sweetie'?
Hill, perfect and complete: Mr. Sex divorced from affection often insatiable: Two kinds of marriage, Millie's hypothetical liaison, The Companionate and the Family, If they had had a legal Companionate, How we might have a Compan- ionate that would work: The danger in free love unions, Non- procreative.
Sex at its best is a spiritual hunger, Katherine and George; what marriage did to them: The lady who never had been raped: "Never mind, Honey; we can get married again," Too much emphasis on sex: Marriage not adequate as we have it, Marriage and the sex hormones, The girl tvith a gilded head: Carl pre- ferred brunettes: "So's your legs; walk" The choice between regular marriage as we have it, and irregular liaisons as we have them, a choice of evils, She disapproved of the Companionate; but she had no babies : "We proposed to stick" : Legalising the Companion- ate as it is now practiced: Hypocrisy and Per Centism: Bootleg Birth Control: If the obscenity law were really enforced: The Rota annulments: Tweedledum, tweedledee and theologee: Divorce by mutual consent: Natural selection that no longer selects: Time to check popu- lation growth : The problem of venereal disease : The emotional ties of marriage: Divorce usually a last resort: The Companionate no road to promiscuity: A divorce by collusion: ef Too young to marry' 9 The Companionate for college students, The Companionate as practiced by the daughter of a clerical denouncer: Self-control versus birth control, ipS.
Splitting the ears of groundlings: "Of course, Mother" ipp. A university president and a letter, A couple at Harvard: Birth control and, the law, Another marital tangle, A minister on the Companionate in practice, Marriage in New York legal without benefit of clergy or of judge, Opposition from dullards and ax-grinders: The price on my scalp: "The Beast" The clergy and the estab- lished order: What happened to one devotee of the truth: Authori- tarianism, Sex in the universities: Stop the babies, but don't mention it: Making the Serpent of Logic swallow its own tail, Voluntary abstinence : The more or less mythical "safe period" : Slav- ery for American women in the "continence" theory: Sex pleasure a "sin" : Mind and matter, are they opposite or identical?
The function of the Imagination in Sex: Sex as a spiritual experience, Continence practiced in marriage by the under- sexed: A true legend from Sleepy Hollow, Abortion often re- garded as moral; birth control as immoral: Respectability in Sleepy Hollow: Clerical fanatics and Bible idolaters, Haldane on Eugenics as ethical conduct: Biological motives in marriage: Men hungry for real religion refused them by the church are finding it in scientific truth, A letter: Four babies in six years and another on the way : Medical and clerical ignorance : "Meddling" with a natural function, Write to the Birth Control League for information: Contraceptive technique, Fishbein on Birth Control: Birth control methods not perfect, but practicable: Ignorance of physicians: Birth control clinics being established, Contraceptive informa- tion for the unmarried as well as for the married: Mid-Victorianism in the Birth Control League, Legalized birth control; b.
Divorce by mutual con- sent for childless couples: c. A lawyer's letter, California considers a Companionate Law: Medi- cal examination before marriage: Other possible features , Two clerical critics of the Companionate, Alimony and property rights in divorce: The passing of "the gold digger": Discretion of the court, The instance of a man ruined by unjust alimony : Alimony in Family marriage, The rights of children first parents second, Population at the satura- tion point: The ideal marriage a union of free personalities, Growing a marriage as the oak grows, Gardiner tries her wings: Cold ashes of romance: Transplanta- tion deadly, For monogamy : Prevention of divorce : Liberalizing the sex code : Divorce a form of polygamy, Puritanical morality and a restricted sex code the chief cause of the instability of marriage and the prevalence of divorce: Christian conception of sex inferior to the pagan, Keyserling's "Book of Marriage": The constructive values of marriage, Marriage the creation of a new entity: The difference of potential between men and women: The Positive and the Negative of Sex, Happiness in marriage must be created: It is not spontaneously generated: A lifetime job to do this: Divorce breaks up the process: Must have other outlets for the sex impulse, The "Christian" conception of marriage prolific of divorce, Differ- ence between Monogamy and Polygamy, Physical "infidelity" not necessarily polygamous: Polygamy a state of mind, a way of thought , Sex relations have varying social significance: Physical loyalty in marriage conditions by changing views: The "Chastity" that covers a multitude of sins far ivorse than adultery, Joseph Nichols in action: How he fell from Grace and how, learning from that, he saw the light, Intolerance: The Klan hysteria: Nichols saves the day by 35 Klan votes, Chastity and the purity veneer: Chastity a state of mind: The inside of the cup, The relation of real chastity to continence nil, Chastity, freedom, and the educated conscience, Caroline, The lost vanity case, A mountain party, Blinders, American hoggishness abroad, A gubernatorial candidate and the Demon Rum, The spurious freedom phase of Sex, My creed, The moral man: To follow tradition blindly is im- moral, Readjusting the claims of morality, What Jesus said about adultery: His human inconsistencies, What He would probably say about it now: Why they crucified Him, Rationalism versus Dogmatism: Hiding behind the skirts of the Folkways, Organisations protect their own: The Judge with a cellarful of smuggled boose sentences a woman with a lone pint to prison, The Rev.
Jacob Fisk wants my scalp: "Law enforcement at all cost, irrespective of persons": He finds that law enforcement begins at home, and that he'd better let it alone: The Rev. Asa Jones: Mr. A talk with Luther Burbank: The natural, the beautiful, and the good, A Companionate dissolved by mutual consent: Three happy marriages that resulted from two divorces, They sought a civilized remedy by breaking an uncivilised law: Dogmatic theology a destroyer of the rational faculty, The resistance of Con- gress: Purpose of the proposed legislation is restrictive and meddle- some: Changes in the Folkways have the validity of a natural law t Prohibition the deadly parallel the more restrictive and narrow the legislation the more easily it can be passed, The proposed five grounds of divorce, A death grip on another department of personal conduct, The Com- panionate would lessen divorce: Capper Bill doomed to nullification if it should pass, Three months' residence necessary for Nevada divorce: Why not make it a week?
Need for varying experi- mentation in different states, Jonah and the Whale standards of sociology: Anti-evolution in federal law the next step, Confusion resulting from differences of state law, Supreme Court not applicable in Divorce: The famous Haddock case, Kelsey, who was nobody's wife, though twice married, Differences of law reconcilable if the state courts would get rid of cold legalism and would play fair, An unweeded Garden of Eden: Yokels who never descended from monkeys, When biology has quickened the scientific imagination of the race: What science may create in human conduct: Breeding genius and leadership intensively: Drunk with the Wine of the Wrath of God: What we may learn, It was crude melodrama.
It was composed of a raw title, raw sex situations, and mediocre acting. It served no valid artistic end; it was there to make money by going as far in the way of bad taste passing for "truth" as the police would permit and the public tolerate. This play stood at the absolute zero of vapidity. Professing to reveal and illuminate the human heart, it sold a gold brick to people so badly educated in the values of life that they couldn't spot the fake.
It had no genuine heights and depths to justify it. Nevertheless the play packed a great thrill for the audience. This was particularly true in the second act, when there came a scene in which it really looked as if the palpitating man and woman behind the footlights would forget that the footlights were lighted and the shades not drawn. But fortunately there was a room in the rear of the stage. You could see, through the open door of it, that it con- tained a bed.
None of this particularly interested me it was flat, stale, and unprofitable as compared with scores of the real life situations I encounter daily in the Juvenile and Family Court of Denver. What did interest me beyond words was the audience. I had come there to watch that audience; and what I observed at first hand richly repaid the price I had had to put up for my ticket. The people around me were of various ages. The Thirties and Forties particularly the Forties predominated. Sometimes they edged into the Fifties.
Collectively they represented what I here call Middle Age: Forty, more or less. It seemed symbolic that even the theater where the play was shown was situated in "The Roaring Forties. A large number of them were doubtless married, and had adolescent sons and daughters members of the well-known Younger Generation, concerning whose morals and immorals they were probably greatly worried.
Some of these young- sters were present, without their parents. In short, it was outwardly a typical, respectable, and conventional audience, the older part of it reared in the Eighties and the Nineties, and still suffering from the hang-over without quite knowing what to do about it. Now note what happened. The play, dramatically untrue and spurious as it was, had in it just enough truth to hit them with a kick like a battering ram.
This was not so evident in the case of the men.